The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
by Solanum Dulcamara
Summary: Best friends and roommates, Eiji and Momo, have spent the past several years being there for each other. How will they get past personal pain, and will their friendship be forever altered by the shifting dynamics of their relationship. EijiOishi unrequ
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Not mine, yo.

Warnings: angst, yaoi (boys on boys), minor language

Pairing(s): Eiji/Ooishi (unrequited), Momo/Echizen (unrequited), MomoEiji

A/N: This fic idea bit me on the ass (with it's madly sharp little gremlin teeth) and won't let go. Truth be told, this pairing is my very secret guilty pleasure. It's been kinda hard for me because GP is my OTP and I adore MomoRyo, so please be patient with me.

The Trick Is to Keep Breathing  
by Solanum Dulcamara

_I won't be the one who's going to let you down  
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around  
The trick is to keep breathing  
Garbage_

Part 1:

Dropping his empty soda can into the rubbish bin at the doorway of the building, Momoshiro Takeshi headed inside and towards the stairwell that lead to the apartment he shared with Kikumaru Eiji, his former teammate and best friend. The two had decided to move in together a year ago, when Momo'd finished high school: three years of study that hadn't gone as either had expected or hoped. He hurried up the steps, not wanting to be late and still needing to shower and change before they left for the club that evening.

As was his habit, he threw the door open with flourish, letting loose a ringing, "_Tadaima-!_" Not hearing the usual "_Okaeri, nya!_" in response, he toed off his shoes in the foyer and headed for the living room, calling out, "Oi, Eiji! Where the hell-" but his question fell short as he found his roommate sitting on their ratty, secondhand sofa, clutching his bright red cellphone, tension in every line of his body. Momo paused, wary. Eiji had a temper, and he'd learned the hard way that it was often best to try to calm his roommate down and diffuse the situation before the explosion. "Hey," he said softly, letting his book bag fall to lean against the wall, "Why the long face? It's your birthday-"

"Exactly," Eiji's voice held rare traces of bitterness as he interrupted.

Momo was thoroughly out to sea. In the six years he'd known Eiji, not once had the redhead bemoaned a birthday. Treading with caution, he asked, "Um... is that a bad thing? I was under the impression that it was a cause for celebration. You know; you, me, _Orenji_, some dancing, and Fuji-_senpai_ is even in town to go with us." He looked critically at his friend. No change. In true Momo fashion, he forged onward, "Seriously, what's eating you?î

"A text message."

Out to sea and lacking paddles, Momo decided to just take the plunge and to hell with the consequences. "What's so terrible about a text message?"

"Not a phone call or a voice message. Not even an e-mail. He sent me a text message for my birthday."

Oh. Ouch. There was no way for Momo to hide his grimace of sympathy or to salvage the situation. There was also no need to ask "who", and all things Ooishi-_senpai_ were totally out of his hands... But Momo, being Momo, would try anyway. "I'm sure he's just really busy right now and-" his attempt at reassurances was aborted as Eiji hurled the little red cellphone across the room, and it hit the wall opposite with a crack and burst of pieces. The violet-eyed man stared at the scatter of parts in surprise before turning back to his roommate, hoping that Eiji had vented some of his anger. It was then, when he saw the tight jaw and clenched fists, the slumped shoulders and moist blue eyes fighting tears, that he realized Eiji wasn't so much angry as hurt; hurt by the person who mattered the most, the one person who could do damage.

Eiji didn't notice that Momo had moved until he felt the sofa cushion dip next to him and strong arms wrap around him. He didn't want to cry. He hated crying: hated the burn in his throat, hated the stinging red eyes, hated the way his cheeks were stiff and sticky afterwards, but mostly hated that it didn't help anything at all. He didn't want to cry, but he did. Leaning heavily against his roommate, Eiji cried long and hard, clutching fistfuls of Momo's shirt, feeling the arms around him tighten. Harsh, frustrated sobs grated their way out of him, and he shook with the conflict of suppressing them or purging them.

How many times had they done this for each other? How many nights had one or the other rubbed a back consolingly or wiped off a tear-streaked face? Every time one suffered a rejection that was more casual forgettance than anything else. How many unanswered letters had Momo written? How many nights had Eiji waited for a call that never came? _Ochibi_ and Ooishi were gone... had left them behind. Eiji understood. People grew up and grew apart. Of course he understood it logically, but he couldn't seem to convince his heart that it made sense.

Eiji cried harder, letting Momo hold him closer as he ached with loneliness and betrayal. He tried to slow his breathing and pull himself together, drawing on the strength that Momo offered and the comfort. He pulled back a little and looked up at his roommate; Momo, who always offered a shoulder to cry on, who always held him when he needed to be held, who always listened to whatever he had to say, who was always _there._ Was it wrong to want a little comfort? To want to be held? To want to be touched? To want affection?

Eiji leaned forward. Momo's lips were a little dry under his but warm and soft, and he found himself leaning further, seeking more. He lapped at them, seeming to ask, "Please? For a little while, help me forget. Let me feel wanted. Please" And the lips against his responded and Momo's tongue found his in a light caress. Excited flutters and an unfamiliar warmth pooled in Eiji's belly. His hands slid up Momo's chest to behind his neck, pulling closer. Lightness forgotten, their mouths moved against each other's desperately, need in every kiss, every lick, every nibble. Hot panting breaths gusted against swollen lips between increasingly frenzied kisses. Fingers were gripping his hair and a calloused hand raked across his back under his shirt as Eiji, driven by a relatively unfamiliar urge, moved from Momo's mouth to his neck, laving the ropes of muscle and biting the juncture at the shoulder. A low, growling moan rumbled in the chest against his and Eiji felt prickling heat crawl up his spine... perhaps just a little too hot. With a sudden gut-clenching realization, he pulled back as if burnt. "M... m... Momo! I... I can't believe... I just... I'm so sorry!" the redhead stammered.

"Eiji, relax. It's okay."

"No, it's not okay! I took advantage of you."

Momo flushed lightly and scratched the back of his head, a nervous habit he'd had since grade-school. "Well, technically, since I was a pretty active participant... I don't really think you can call it 'taking advantage'. And isn't that usually done by the person whose comforting to the vulnerable person?"

"_Nya_. That still doesn't make it okay. You were humoring me. And I think 'taking advantage' can go either way."

"Well," Momo reached out and wiped the moisture from Eiji's cheeks with his thumb, "I'm not upset and I don't feel 'taken advantage of', okay?"

"Nnn... okay," the redhead didn't sound totally convinced.

"Now, I thought we were supposed to be meeting Fuji-_senpai_ at _Orenji_"

"_Hoi!_ That's right! We're totally going to be late meeting _Fujiko_. I haven't even showered yet. Dibs on the bathroom," Eiji jumped up and headed for his bedroom to grab his robe.

"What! But-"

"No buts. Iím the _senpai_"

"I thought we agreed we were past the _senpai/kohai_ stuff?"

"We are. Then... I get dibs because it's my birthday," Eiji shut the door to the bathroom with his best attempt at a cheeky grin. Momo conceded to that argument. Besides, he knew Eiji wanted a little more time to put his smile back together. That last try had been a little wan, and definitely wouldn't fool Fuji. Truthfully, he needed to spend a few minutes repairing his own fool's grin. No need to let this evening's confusion ruin tonight's festivities. He'd just tuck what happened behind a wink and a smile to save for thinking about later... or maybe never at all. It's not like they'd being doing anything like that again anytime soon, or ever again. He checked his watch, feeling his cheek muscles work up to their usual task of keeping a simple grin on his face. They'd both have plenty of time to shower and then share counter space for doing their hair, as usual, and shouldn't be more than fashionably late, which Eiji preferred anyway.

Weaving in and out of the crowds, Momo and Eiji made their way to the table at which Fuji was already seated. He stood to greet them, giving the redhead a firm hug with birthday well-wishes. "Your gift is on it's way to you, as I couldn't very well bring it with me on the plane. It should have arrived today, but _Nee-san_ said that it was delayed by weather complications. It will arrive tomorrow," he informed them as he returned to his seat, now joined by the others.

Eiji's eyes widened, "What did you get me that can't go on a plane?"

"_Saa_..." as opposed to actually answering, the _tensai_ gestured to three shot glasses on the table, "As you insisted on being 'fashionably' late, I took the liberty of ordering the first round."

"_Nya_! You make it sound like we're just gonna sit around all night getting plastered."

"Of course not," Fuji retorted smoothly, "We'll dance as well."

Momo picked up his shot glass and eyed it's contents with no small amount of trepidation. "Do we at least get to know what we're drinking, Fuji-_senpai_"

"Mn. It's called Liquid Cocaine," lids opened to reveal his unearthly blue eyes as he answered smilingly.

"Sounds brutal," so saying, Momo gave a philosophical shrug; what did he really have to lose by taking a shot besides the contents of his stomach? He raised his glass and wobbled it slightly, offering a purposely over-giddy, "Clinky drinky."

Eiji dissolved into a fit of giggles, as he always did when Momo said that. "Alright. Alright. I'll try _Fujiko_'s poison." The redhead picked up his own glass.

"Nope, you gotta say it, Eiji," his roommate wheedled.

"Fuji didn't," Eiji shot back.

A quietly amused "Clinky drinky" somehow carried over the din of the club to interrupt the debate before it could really begin. Both turned to look at Fuji, vaguely incredulous. The _tensai_ only smiled his disconcertingly sweet smile and nodded in Eiji's direction.

"Fine. Happy Birthday to me! Clinky drinky!" and having said Momo's ridiculous toast, Eiji tossed back the shot, joined by the others. He was immediately aware of a warm burn making it's way far too slowly down his throat, reminiscent yet opposite to a sensation he'd felt earlier that day. He looked to his left, where Momo was leaning one elbow on the table and coughing. Eiji smiled a little. His roommate never had been good at drinking shots. He reached over to pound Momo on the back and realized he really hadn't eaten enough that day, as he already began to feel the warm fuzzy blanket of alcohol consumption creep over his skin. He looked to Momo at his side, who would undoubtedly whisk him onto the dance floor shortly, and Fuji across from him, who smiled warmly, sincerely at him and suggested they order another round "birthday boy's choice";. It was nice to be here with them. He could dance, he could drink, he could have fun with his friends, and he could forget. And he'd wake tomorrow with today just a happy, hazy memory.

Momo woke slowly with a large yawn. His brain was still a little muggy from the evening previous'; festivities, and he wanted to roll over and just sleep the day away, but he needed to answer the call of nature and get some water for the awful case of cottonmouth he was suffering. As he started to crawl out of bed, however, he encountered something, or someone more specifically. His roommate lay snuggled against his side, red hair splayed over his white pillow, lashes dark against pale cheeks in the morning light filtering through his blinds, and sleeping quite as naked as he himself was. Icy foreboding pooled in Momo's stomach. What _had_ he done last night?

TBC...

Glossary:  
_Fujiko_: ko is a typical ending for a female name. Only Eiji and Taka can get away with using it.  
_hoi_: an Eiji-ism, no particular meaning  
_kohai_: underclassmen  
_nee-san_: older sister  
_nya_: Japanese onomatopoeia for meow, an Eiji-ism  
_ochibi_: Eiji's nickname for Echizen, roughly translates to munchkin or kiddo  
_okaeri_: greeting offered to someone who is returning, often translated as "Welcome home" or "Welcome back"  
_Orenji_: Japanese pronunciation of orange and a club in Shinjuku  
_saa:_ a noise denoting "who knows" or "I don't know"  
_senpai_: word or honorific suffix, meaning or denoting upperclassman  
_tadaima_: said when one returns, often translated as "I'm home" or "I'm back"  
_tensai_: prodigy


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Still not mine.  
Warnings: yaoi/slash/bl/mm/whatever else you want to call it, a little drama, language, alcohol consumption (does that need a warning?), and a decently graphic scene  
A/N: Thanks so much to the readers for their patience. Iíve been taking my sweet time with this chapter, I know, and I apologize. Itís been rough writing for me, but I hope you enjoy it. Love to HDA for looking over this for me and suffering through my neediness.

The Trick Is to Keep Breathing  
by Solanum Dulcamara

_What would happen if we kissed  
Would your tongue slip past my lips  
Meredith Brooks, What Would Happen_

Part 2:

Momo woke slowly with a large yawn. His brain was still a little muggy from the evening previousí festivities, and he wanted to roll over and just sleep the day away, but he needed to answer the call of nature and get some water for the awful case of cottonmouth he was suffering. As he started to crawl out of bed, however, he encountered something, or someone, more specifically. His roommate lay snuggled against his side, red hair splayed over his white pillow, lashes dark against pale cheeks in the morning light filtering through his blinds, and sleeping quite as naked as he himself was. Icy foreboding pooled in Momoís stomach. What had he done last night?

_There was drinking, and dancing, and lots of laughter. The night passed in an alcohol glossed haze. LateÖ very late, they stumbled out into the cold night air, leaning heavily on one another, offering giddy goodbyes to Fuji, who seemed completely unaffected by the vast quantities of liquor theyíd consumed. Eiji hung onto his side, arms wrapped around his midsection in a clumsy, pseudo-hug, as they walked; thin fingers seeming so small through the fabric of Momoís jacket. Momo slung an arm around his companion (for whose balance he wasnít sure) and they made their way to the train station with very few stumbles._

During the ride, Eiji, head resting comfortably on Momoís shoulder, disentangled himself to take one of Momoís hands in both of his; cold, slender fingers tracing scars, thumbs smoothing over creases in his palm. When he tried to tell the redhead he was ëweird but kinda cuteí, Eiji looked up at him, eyes a little bleary, and smiled, crinkling his nose. At that moment, Momo had the most peculiar urge to nibble that pert nose, which he promptly shook off, almost knocking his roommate off his seat in the process. The rest of the ride was a blur of passing tunnels, scenery, and stops that werenít theirs.

Though the more unsteady of the two, Eiji popped up and pulled Momo from the train when they reached their stop and, still wrapped together, the pair returned to their apartment without major event (although the stairs proved a minor trial). They leaned together, stifling giggles; as Eiji fumbled through Momoís pockets for the key and managed to fit it in the lock on his third try. A certain sense of habit descended as they entered: remove shoes and coats and head for their separate rooms.

Momo began a battle with the row of buttons on his shirt once in the confines of his bedroom, and upon achieving success, tossed the garment in the vague direction of the hamper and went to work on his jeans. Just as he managed to kick them off, he felt his white undershirt catch on something. Fingers, he discovered looking down. He turned to find Eiji standing in his favorite pajamas, faded blue fleece, though he apparently hadnít gotten around to buttoning the top. Eiji was biting his lip and looking at his bare feet (toes clenching and unclenching on the carpet) rather than his roommate. ìWhatís up?î Momo asked, reaching out to ruffle red hair.

ìI liked it better when you had your arm around meÖ my room feels lonelyÖî his whispered answer trailed off more than ended.

Momo experienced an odd combination of an ache in his chest and a flutter in his stomach. Without hesitation, he snagged his best friend and tugged him close, arms wrapping tight around the smaller man. Eijiís body shook, and he fisted his hands in Momoís tee and tucked his face against the broad shoulder. It took several moments, but his roommateís surprisingly tense body gradually relaxed against him, and Momo felt his own arms tighten in response. He looked down; past mussed red hair, to Eijiís face, to try to gauge his mood, briefly wondering when heíd gotten taller than his former teammate. Eiji lifted his head slightly and met his gaze, wide eyes warm and welcoming, if a bit unfocused (had Eijiís eyes always been so blue?). He felt small hands fidget where they held his undershirt, rolling fabric between fingertips, before releasing the shirt to slide flat palms up his back. Despite knowing Eijiís hands must be cold (they always were) he felt them burning through his shirt. And everything from that afternoon that heíd been trying to deny, without success, swept over him.

Looking down at Eiji, he saw an openness and a vulnerability in those drowning blue eyes, and had a momentary flash of defiant gold, which was gone as quickly as it had come. Then there was only Momo, and Eijiís palms that were too hot, and Eijiís eyes that were too deep, and Eijiís body that was too close, but not close enough. And he did what heíd wanted to do since Eijiíd pulled away so suddenly earlier that day. Sinking his hand into thick red hair, he yanked his roommate forward, swallowing Eijiís noise of surprise. Not one to waste time with gentle coaxing, he swiped his tongue through the inviting heat of Eijiís mouth, over hard and soft; teeth, lips, and tongue. His roommate tasted of the liquor theyíd drunk, sweat from dancing, the stale smoke from the air of the club, and the unique sharp taste of Eiji himself that Momo remembered from that afternoon; a heady mix.

Then he felt the bite of fingernails on his back, heard a purring moan, and Eiji was kissing him back, delving inside his mouth, sucking on his tongue. God, it was hot. Had kissing always been this hot? He briefly thought over the handful of people heíd messed around with; not one had set him on fire like this. A tiny voice somewhere in the back of his mind tried to call out to him, perhaps to stop him, but it was quashed in the haze of alcohol and lust. Momoís hands stole inside the open pajama top; soft fleece against his knuckles, softer skin against his palms. He felt Eijiís breath hitch, his body shudder. Hands scrambled at his under-shirt, bereft of their usual dexterity. He stepped back, reached behind his head to grab his collar, and pulled the shirt off in one fluid motion. It fell at their feet as he returned to inviting lips and urgent hands. He moved his hands back under that well-worn pajama top, running palms over chest, shoulders, and back, feeling Eiji twitch, and shiver, and press into his touch.

Eijiís fingers seared his back; cold, but all the more shocking, more real, more burning for their lack of temperature. The kisses were clumsy desperate presses of lips, hindered by the encouraging uncoordination that only alcohol can offer. He was drowning in Eijiís wet, messy kisses, Eijiís warm solid body, Eijiís icy fingers raking down his back. He was drowning and he didnít want to surface. He pressed his roommate towards the bed, and Eiji went obligingly, flopping back onto the mattress with a giggle. He looked down at his roommate, his best friend who was sprawled on his bed smiling up at him; the same warm, welcoming, too-deep eyes. Eiji held up a hand as he stood staring, long fingers that he knew were cold curling several times, and simply said, ìMomo-chin.î

Momoís chest and stomach were at war again, and he decided to ignore both and join his friend on the bed. Crawling over Eiji, he slid the skin of their bare chests together. It sent a shiver through him and made Eiji breathe one of his trademark ìnyaîs, but not the usual playful, little expression, a low, husky moan that left Momoís nerves ragged and his hand clenched on Eijiís hip. He looked down at the culprit, whose eyes were wide with discovery. Eiji seemed frozen for a mere moment, no more than a breath or a heartbeat, then he was leaning up, kissing Momo, hands on his hips, his ass, his thighs, tugging at the fabric of his boxers demanding, ìMore. Please. Momo,î in staccato breaths between kisses. It was all he could do to not just press Eiji into the mattress and grind against his eager body. With effort, he sat back to remove his boxers and watched, half-amused, half-aroused, as Eiji did a little body contortion, back arch, wiggle out of his pajama bottoms. Then Eiji was reaching for him again, and he had neither the will power nor the inclination to resist.

He climbed back onto Eiji, a little weak with how good it felt and how good Eiji sounded, rasping his drawn-out moans, and dragged his lips up the long neck, to the sharp jaw, and over the hairless cheek, to Eijiís open mouth and slightly dry lips, reveling in the hands gripping his back: hard, solid, and devoid of gentleness. He shifted against Eiji, feeling their erections trapped between them, feeling Eijiís hips buck up to meet him, feeling Eiji gasp into his mouth. God, it felt good. It felt so good! Eijiís hands slid down his back, gripping his hips, fingernails digging into his ass, pulling him insistently closer. He thrust against Eiji again, and again. The mattress dipped where Eijiís feet dug in as he sought leverage to press up against Momo. Lips parted for gasps and moans, and occasionally when the need for it was remembered, breath. Momo felt the slow burn crawling over his skin to smolder in his belly, felt Eiji arch up, all sound trapped in his chest, felt the warm gusts of Eiji coming against his stomach, and felt something within himself snap as the sharp pleasure of orgasm raced over him and left him raw, shaky, and short of breath. He looked down at his roommate and found his smile just as warm, if a bit sleepy. ìCan I stay?î Eiji yawned his question, pulling his pajama top the rest of the way off and using it to wipe his stomach.

ìSure, Eiji,î Momo took the fleece top Eiji offered and swiped it across himself. It unfortunately smeared more than cleaned, but the dayís events, the eveningís festivities, their recent activities, and the sedation of alcohol all added up to Momo being too tired to care. Tossing the top at where the hamper might be, he joined his roommate, whoíd already managed to burrow under the covers. Eiji immediately curled up to him, tucking cold hands against his chest and cold feet against his legs. Strange, but not uncomfortable, Momo found he didnít really mind being snuggled by Eiji, and he was too worn out to think terribly hard about it. He just tossed an arm around his roommate in return, heard a vague mumble to the effect of, ìÖbetter with your arm around meÖî, and exhausted, fell asleep.  


Momo looked down at his still sleeping roommate, and felt panic settle in. Oh shit! What had he been thinking last night? He hadnít been thinking and that was the problem. When was he going to learn that his ìact now, worry about the consequences laterî attitude was not the best policy? What would happen to their friendship? What about Oishi? What about Echizen? What did this mean? He was sure his heart was beating hard enough to wake Eiji. He felt it pounding in his head, ringing in his ears. He needed to calm down or he actually would wake Eiji. He looked down at his roommate again. Still sleeping; good. Despite himself, he had to admire the way Eiji seemed to glow in the morning sunlight. He was attractive. Momoíd always known that. It didnít change their friendship. Maybe he could sneak out of the bed before Eiji woke up. Maybe Eiji wouldnít remember last night. He shifted slightly, edging around his bedmate, trying to slip out without disturbing Eiji.

The mattress dipped and shifted, pulling Eiji from his warm, wonderful sleep. Without even opening his eyes, he knew it was going to be irritatingly bright. He groaned, stretching, not quite ready to wake up. His arm smacked something solid that said ìowî, and that was enough to encourage the redhead to open his eyes. This wasnít his bed or his room. The something solid was his roommate. They were both naked. Momo looked guilty. It was awkward and unexpected, and Eiji still felt groggy and now a little dizzy. He closed his eyes and tried to figure out exactly how they ended up where they were. He remembered hot, hurried kisses, and the weight of Momoís body, and Momoís rough hands, and his growling moans. He remembered pressing against Momo and feeling something heíd never felt with another person. Remembering didnít help. He only felt dizzier and a little breathless. He heard Momo calling him, but didnít know how to answer. It was too much to think about right now, and he wasnít going to try. It was all too surreal and disorienting, and he needed some painkillers, and his bladder felt like it was going to explode at any moment. ìAh, Momo. I can hear you. Iíve got a headache and I need to take a leak,î and having said, Eiji rolled out of the bed and escaped to the semi-sanctuary of the bathroom.

Momo watched him go. Did Eiji not remember? He canít possibly think they just decided to have a naked slumber party. Did last night not matter to him? Eijiíd only ever kissed Oishi once, the summer before high school. Momo didnít know of him kissing anyone else, let alone what happened last night. It canít have meant nothing. Did Eiji just want to move on as if it didnít happen? Maybe... but could they actually do that? He felt his stomach sink a little at every possibility. But they were friends, and Eiji didnít seem to think any differently about him. Their relationship wouldnít be ruined and life would go on as usual. That would be goodÖ definitely good. So what the hell was he lying around worrying for? Scooting out of bed, he grabbed his discarded boxers and went to fetch his roommate some Tylenol.

Glossary:  
nya: meow, an Eiji-ism  
-chin: derivative of ñchan, cutesy name suffix


End file.
